Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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