Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
