Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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