Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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