I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
