This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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