She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
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Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
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went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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