Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
