My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I need water and some morals
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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