I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize