It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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