New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
