Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
