Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
