sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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