I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
this just has baby written all over it
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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