my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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