I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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