you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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