so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
