there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
