I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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