OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
