How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
