well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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