i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
