if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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