I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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