my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
