wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just found puke in my bra..
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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