i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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