You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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