its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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