Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Randomize