she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
