to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
