____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
my phone needs a breathalizer
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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