You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
