Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
What drink are we having for lunch?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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