if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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