She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
BRING THE BAGELS
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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