Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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