The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
