she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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