Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
