i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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