i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
