Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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