I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
