i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
