My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
