Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
