when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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