What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
