you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
