It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
