The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
